Running Diagnostics

Let me be honest. Do I like it here right now? Sometimes. It's an interesting experience to be alone, yet feel dependent (I still feel so new to everything, feel culture shock every once in a while, don't have a car yet, etc ... And I still try to go out the locked door in the library sometimes -- one of the side-by-side doors is always locked.) There are days that I want to run back to everything that is familiar and comfortable, and I realize that I may have had an unhealthy attachment to Cafe Rio.

For example, after studying all day for an upcoming test, last night I started feeling the beginnings of what I undeniably knew was a fever (my back becomes tender and achy). As I curled up in the sheets and comforter (which I have only done this one time since being here) and started shivering, I thought to myself, "Great. Test on Monday and I have chikingunya  or dengue."

I shivered for an hour or so thinking things along the lines of, "Well, I guess it's nice to feel cold. How could a mosquito have gotten me? I have a morning bug spray ritual and I am inside all day." Visions of me freezing in lower Taylor Hall while taking my test ran through my mind until I eventually fell asleep and then woke up hot, which was also nice because, guess what, fever's gone. Still waiting it out for the day before deciding on a diagnosis (don't worry, I'd go to the student health center if I thought I had dengue or chikingunya), but I should be ok for tomorrow.

The truth is, I miss my people and especially my girlies. (Is it bad that sometimes I read our own blog and look at pictures of my family?) On Friday nights I miss pulling out our pillows and blankets from the linen closet and laying them out on the living room carpet to watch a movie with treats. I miss the smells of our home, easy access to everything, and I could really go for a Cafe Rio chicken salad.

This is not easy -- not that I expected that it would be. Life here is different. But sometimes I catch a glimpse of how I am being stretched through this experience and how I will be better for it. It's just a matter of having patience with my lesser days and working towards what I should become.

A ship is safe in harbor, but that's not what ships are for.

-- William G.T. Shedd