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Sunday, September 7, 2014

Running Diagnostics

Let me be honest. Do I like it here right now? Sometimes. It's an interesting experience to be alone, yet feel dependent (I still feel so new to everything, feel culture shock every once in a while, don't have a car yet, etc ... And I still try to go out the locked door in the library sometimes -- one of the side-by-side doors is always locked.) There are days that I want to run back to everything that is familiar and comfortable, and I realize that I may have had an unhealthy attachment to Cafe Rio.

For example, after studying all day for an upcoming test, last night I started feeling the beginnings of what I undeniably knew was a fever (my back becomes tender and achy). As I curled up in the sheets and comforter (which I have only done this one time since being here) and started shivering, I thought to myself, "Great. Test on Monday and I have chikingunya  or dengue."

I shivered for an hour or so thinking things along the lines of, "Well, I guess it's nice to feel cold. How could a mosquito have gotten me? I have a morning bug spray ritual and I am inside all day." Visions of me freezing in lower Taylor Hall while taking my test ran through my mind until I eventually fell asleep and then woke up hot, which was also nice because, guess what, fever's gone. Still waiting it out for the day before deciding on a diagnosis (don't worry, I'd go to the student health center if I thought I had dengue or chikingunya), but I should be ok for tomorrow.

The truth is, I miss my people and especially my girlies. (Is it bad that sometimes I read our own blog and look at pictures of my family?) On Friday nights I miss pulling out our pillows and blankets from the linen closet and laying them out on the living room carpet to watch a movie with treats. I miss the smells of our home, easy access to everything, and I could really go for a Cafe Rio chicken salad.

This is not easy -- not that I expected that it would be. Life here is different. But sometimes I catch a glimpse of how I am being stretched through this experience and how I will be better for it. It's just a matter of having patience with my lesser days and working towards what I should become.

A ship is safe in harbor, but that's not what ships are for.
-- William G.T. Shedd


Maleen said...

I'm loving all the posts from Grenada. Keep em coming. And I'm excited that your time to be back with your family gets closer every day. They will love being with you again.

Ryan said...

Thanks, Maleen. You guys know that there's a place for you all to stay if you decide you need caribbean vacation in the next few years. It really is a great little island.

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