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Friday, October 19, 2012

Black-Light Fail

We shop at Big Lots! for personal hygiene necessities (you know, the stuff that helps you appear civilized and of good rapport with people like deodorant, shampoo, and body wash), because they usually have awesome deals. Plus, they have these huge mobile fireplaces that would look great in our living room with the silhouettes of Christmas stockings hung from the mantle as the light of the fire dances and the warmth staves off the winter chill outside. But, I digress, and I also committed an unpardonable sin for many people; that of mentioning Christmas before Halloween. Well, while I'm at it, I might as well confess that I have already listened to a few rounds of Ave Maria and may have already listened to the Nutcracker Suite several times and created a Christmas playlist on Spotify. There you have it. An unapologetic confession for the love of Christmas. 

Lest you think that I just used lest to reign this conversation back in and make some sort of point, I did. I will blame this on Washington Irving, whose popular Halloween tale, The Legend of Sleepy Hollow, has had me thinking in old-versed descriptions. I may have listened to that book more than once in the past couple of weeks. And that was segue enough back to Halloween, I guess.

So, while at Big Lots! I happened to see black lights for sale. I was excited because I wanted to put a black light out on the front porch. Well, we go it home, screwed it in and turned it on. What we soon found was that this black light was different in a sense that it was a light painted black. A "black" light, not a black light. Yeah, I'm still not happy about the purchase of a lightbulb whose only purpose seems to be to emit a muted 60 Watts across the room and become dangerously hot after only a few seconds of use. Who had this idea, anyway? Next time I'll take the light out of the box before buying.

Speaking of buying, Kenz has a cool costume to run in for the Halloween Half and I, well, do not. I don't usually plan these things, which ends in me being myself or something severely undeveloped. Last year, as we realized that DI doesn't have much Halloween selection on Halloween eve, I grabbed an oversized bowling shirt and Kenz got a dress that legitimately could have been property of a polygamist wife. It was then that I realized these things take some effort and thought to throw together, at least they do for me. Or, they take the magic of Amazon.

So, I started browsing through Amazon's selection of costumes, which are 60% off, because putting forth the effort of trying to be creative and think of something myself is just not going to happen right now and the effort to look for something is effort enough.

Keep in mind, this race is going to be cold. It's up the canyon in the early morning. They bus you up there and then you wait for probably 30 - 45 minutes before you actually start running. I'm shivering now just thinking about it. 

Anyway, I start looking...

Hmmm... Zombie Doctor.
Not if I ever expect my daughter to go to the doctor again, and it's really not my thing.

Next up, Bear. Definitely will keep me warm, but am I going to want to run in this thing? Not likely. Too bad, this could have been fun under different circumstances. Oh, and did I mention this thing costs like $500? Not happening.

Nerd glasses. Nah. Like I said, it's going to be cold and this is something I would buy and not know what to do with in the future.

Werewolf. Although I could wear my usual running gear, I'm not sure the Binx is ready for this, nor do I want to run in a mask.

Ostrich. Now we're talking. This search has now become encouraging. I worry about being able to run in it though.

Fat suit... Meh, I've been working on my own fat suit in real life for too long. Why else would I be running this thing?

A more dignified and culturally revered fat suit. Not heavy, but will I be able to run in it? Will the fan that keeps the suit blown up make me cold?

Well, back to where I started. Maybe I'll just use that black light to keep me warm and get some use out of that bowling shirt from last year.


Dan Brown said...

Birthday suit?

Ryan said...

Umm... Dancito, can I take that down as a vote for the naked fat suit instead?

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