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Sunday, December 11, 2011

Mourning the loss of a decade...

Saying goodbye to a decade of your life is an interesting process. Yesterday I had the opportunity to grieve the passing of my 20's. I wonder how it happened and why I pretty much am back where started (speaking in terms of where I am in education: back at BYU, taking undergrad classes, applying to grad school again). Honestly, it has been hard not to become bogged down in the fact that my classmates are all in their early twenties and most are pursing my same goal. Let's just say that I had envisioned things differently for this stage of my life.
One's 30th birthday and one's 60th are days that press their message home with iron hand. With his 70th milestone past, a man feels that his work is done, and dim voices call to him from across the Unseen. His work is done, and so illy, compared with what he had wished and expected! But the impressions made upon his heart by the day are no deeper than those his 30th birthday inspires. At thirty, youth, with all it palliates and excuses, is gone forever. The time for mere fooling is past; the young avoid you, or else look up to you and tempt you to grow reminiscent. You are a man and must give an account of yourself. -Elbert Hubbard
I thought I would be in my career, living in a house. It is difficult to be patient and to wait to be able to provide the life I would like to for my family. As I was wallowing in my age yesterday morning, Kenz reminded me that we have a good life. This is very true, and tonight as I was lamenting my perceived lack of accomplishments in the past 10 years, Kenz asked what I had accomplished. I replied (somewhat sarcastically) 3 degrees and going on another. Then I thought about the greatest things that came out of my 20's: Adi and Kenz.

At twenty years of age, the will reigns; at thirty, the wit; and at forty, the judgement.
- Benjamin Franklin

So while I may steer away from details in conversation that might reveal my age to my significantly younger classmates next semester (speaking of which, I'll finally be finished with prereqs next semester and will take the MCAT soon - wahoo!), I can take comfort in my blessings. The sting of unrealized past plans may hurt the heart presently, but I have hope in a bright future with continued happy accidents along the way.


Carbonneau said...

I am only a few weeks behind you Ryan and I was determined to make 29 the best year ever thinking 30 will be rough. We did a lot of fun things this year, and I hope to top them next! no down hill for me...or that's the plan :) Age is only a number, we can all do hard things! (I will keep repeating this to myself through next month, then we will see how I feel) ;)

Shan said...

I wouldn't feel too bad. :) My husband is soon to be 33 and is just finishing his associates and I'm proud of him every step of the way as I'm sure Kenz is of you.

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