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Wednesday, July 13, 2016

My Pink Peak - Part 4

Friday night was pretty surreal. I spent most of the night with my family and Heidi talking, laughing, and crying (I've learned that I cope with humor... I'm going to start a GoFundMe page for my boobjob #jokingnotjoking.).

Late, late that night, I cried again as Ryan held me. Then, in a moment of clarity and comfort, I heard the words "be still and know that I am God." Immediately peace rushed over me.

Despite the peace, I found myself staying up late researching and waking up early to respond to messages. I spent the early morning messaging my best friend from high school who helped me see so much of it in perspective.

Because it was early, I decided to go for a run. I found all my gear and headed out the door. I sat down to tie my running shoes and looked up at the exact same moment that the sun crested the mountains. The sun washed over my face and I felt a literal and figurative warmth and peace that I had never felt before. I closed my eyes and heaven had never felt so close.


I had chosen to run to the temple because it is a place of peace and comfort, and although breaking down emotionally on the end of my run as I made it to the gates, I quickly found more peace, more comfort. 

Post 3.7-mile run | July 9, 2016

The rest of Saturday was kind of blur and happily a distraction. I met up with my cousin at the Bean Museum and told her as well, I guess I forget how shocking the news must be. Luckily eight kids between the two of us made for a fun and crazy afternoon.

After spending most of the day out, we came home to my brothers and dad painting up a storm, making a room for me to be in for the indefinite future.

I find it ironic that they wrote #yolo, buahahahaha 

We had already made plans to head up to Farmington for the weekend to celebrate birthdays which was a nice way to clear my head. Naturally when I walked into my in-law's house, my dear, dear, dear friend, Stacey (and Steve!) had sent flowers with a message that read, "You got this!!!!" It was a wonderful tender mercy. 

Finally, my mother-in-law, sister-in-law, and I headed to get a pedicure. It was perfect and relaxing and of course we all chose pink for breast cancer. 

Previously on the drive to Farmington, Adi had fallen asleep and I told Ryan that we should tell her, but he said he wanted to wait until we had definitive information. We didn't really have much of a choice when at dinner a few hours later she turned and said, "Mom, do you have cancer?" My nephews had said, "your mom has cancer," and Adi had said, "no she doesn't," "yes she does," "Mom, do you have cancer?"

I was calm and collected and said, "Well Adi, yes I do, let's talk about it." I took her in the other room and tried to tell her about cancer in ways that wouldn't worry her, but prepare her for what might be in store...

Later that night our friends, Amber and Peter, came over. Peter went to SGU as well and is a radiology resident at the U. It was Saturday night when the questions we had asked and doubts that we had mentioned started to really make us think, and when Peter and Amber asked the same questions we were confused.

Okay, so it's cancer and it's fast growing (grade 3), but how could they possibly know that it's stage 3 at this point? 


Our Family

Our Family
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